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Labeling Part II ADD and ADHD

Consider a world where children are robbed of their excitement, their creativity, their imagination, their energy and the spark of light that makes them uniquely who they are. You can see them now in classrooms and homes across America. They are the millions diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. We adults accept this.

I will take you on a journey through a little history about the new age diagnosis and its impact it’s having in our culture. In part one of this post on the topic of labeling, I described my experience of having a brother, a daughter and a son who have been labeled or who have self labeled themselves ADD.   Below is the research I have done, prompted by curiosity and complete puzzlement on how these labels came into existence.  Here are my findings…..

The earliest roots of ADD take us back to almost a century ago when…

In 1905 Ernst Rudin founded the Geran Society for Racial Hygiene, co writing the sterilization laws with Nazi leader Hinrich Himmler and a fellow psychiatrist Kallman. The main focus was the research of schizophrenia.  Hinrich Himmler and Kallman defined schizophrenia as inappropriateness of thought, emotion or behavior.

Studies published by Kallman defined behaviors associated with Schizophrenia as “the unsociable, indecisive, bullheaded, malicious tyrants, daydreamers and those who were cranky” to name just a few of the adjectives used.  The definitions weren’t too scientific and were littered with judgmental and social overtones.  These diagnostic criteria are virtually identical to the ones used today to diagnose ADD.

This same doctor who defined these symptoms of Schizophrenia was half Jewish and was forced to flee Nazi Germany. He came to the United States where he became hailed as America’s leading psychiatric geneticists. His studies were published in the Journal of American Psychiatric Association.

Kind of scary don’t you think?

In 1970 the American Handbook of Psychiatry stated, “at risk children thus far indicate the pre-schizophrenic child has difficulty filtering stimulus input and has problems in attention leading to school difficulties and social problems.”

Twenty years later research on “at risk” children netted a government panel of experts to sanction amphetamines for use on hyperactive children.  At that time the symptoms were seen mostly in males, due to their genetic theory claiming the disorder was carried in the male chromosome.  The drug approved was Ritalin.  Ritalin has the same base properties as those fed to schizophrenia patients.  The side effects of amphetamine like products include impotence.

Schizophrenia had thus evolved into today’s attention deficit disorder.

In 1980 the official year that the term ADD was coined for active children who did not pay attention in school. Does this sound familiar? Psychiatrists used to tell parents and teach that most children outgrow hyperactivity, but today it has evolved into a life long illness with life long medications.

In 1991 the US Department of Health Education and Welfare mandated that teachers actively seek to identify ADD children and refer them for treatment. Most of the information available to parents of children with suspected ADD are supplied by the makers of the drugs used to tranquilize them.

This was shocking evidence to me.  It is based on someones filtered view and subsequent labeling.  We buy into pharmaceutical giants greed and culturally buy in to what is considered abnormal.  As a result suddenly ADD and ADHD is affecting  this country with many other countries close behind.  According to research presented by R.D. Hawkings, slightly less than 5.5 million children ranging in age from 5 to 17 were diagnosed with ADHD in 2009. When you look at the definition in its earliest form, I ask you how many of us day dream, are cranky and yes inattentive.

Could you consider just for a moment, that our culture and society may need to adjust to these creative, expressive and though different than what our culture has defined as normal, yet have so much to offer our world?  Might we consider that perhaps we need to accommodate their active minds instead of tranquilizing them?  Perhaps we need to rethink the motives behind the diagnosis and labeling of ADD and ADHD before buying into that consciousness.

What if our education system might need to adjust the way they teach. Shifting away  from the tired ways of  the  one size fits all mentality, or shoving the round into the square space , then determining when they don’t quite fit there must be something wrong with these children. Perhaps these new souls have arrived on this planet with the soul purpose of shifting our thinking away from the way it’s always been done.

Imagine an education system that doesn’t suppress,  hold hostage and tranquilize  these bright and creative energetic beings but instead inspires and encourages with a new way to educate them by utilizing their strengths and interests. These energetic souls have arrived here to teach us instead of the other way around.  If this is true, how will medicating them enable them to bring about this change?

What are your thoughts?  Please feel free to share your thoughts on this post.  I encourage all opposing views and of course the supporting ones.

Resources for this blog post include:

Foundation for Truth in Reality, Freedom Magazine volume 21, Issue 1. Article Index

The Myth of Attention Deficit Disorder

The cult of mental illness

Covert chemical Castration

ADD in Wender-land

Dangerous Drugs

Exposing the myth

My next post will offer a new perspective on the mis- diagnosis and mis- labeling of these wonderful souls who have been labeled inaccurately.  Yes I have some experience with this as well. Till next time….

Epidemic of Labeling Part I ADD and ADHD

I’ve put off writing this post but it has been nagging at me internally for months.  I think this post must be written in order for me to move forward and past the nagging.  I never have liked nagging.  The questions and arguments I have been having with myself prior to writing this post is… what does this subject have to do with the business of coaching?    I have come to conclude it has everything to do with coaching.  This post subject will need to be written in multiple parts in order to completely share this perspective and the research I’ve done on the subject of ADD and ADHD.

Coaching is about enlightenment, discovery and forward movement.  Today my inner voice wins! The topic of labels and particularly ADD or ADHD is one that I have personal experience with.  My hope is to enlighten adults as well as adults with children who have labeled themselves or are currently taking medication for ADD or ADHD.  I pose these questions to readers of this post:

Why do we place so much trust and belief in something  like ADD and ADHD that no one can fully explain?

Why do we quickly resolve to revert to medication as a solution, based on a set of conditions that automatically label ourselves and our children?

Why do we buy into whatever our culture and more importantly the pharmaceutical companies are selling?

Why don’t we question everything before we give it a label?

Why do we assume there is only one way to resolve ADD?

Why is it that outside of the US an ADD diagnosis is relatively unheard of?

ADD and ADHD are labels that I frequently hear people use when they have trouble focusing.  It’s often used loosely like other culturally infused phrases and sometimes as an excuse to make up for a lack of attention given to people, conversations and projects. Some people use it to explain why they haven’t made progress on their life dreams.  Others have bought into the cultural term and some have agreed with the psychologists on behalf of their children and decided to medicate.

First hand experience

I have an adult son who could be labeled ADHD, who has referenced this of himself multiple times throughout his life.  He has always had a talent for art, especially in illustration and a beautiful imagination.  He currently makes a living with his art. He has never been tested and claims a lack of focus and feels hyper at times.  I have a daughter who is now almost 21 and was told she was ADD around age 15, at least  by the definition and testing used by a psychologist.  She is gifted in music and can hear sounds and tones in music that most people don’t hear.  She sings, writes songs and is a socially and environmentally engaged contributor to our world.  She is  full time college student with an internship, holds a part time job and lives independently in another state.

My younger brother was diagnosed at a young age with hyperactivity, before the term ADD and ADHD was widely used.  He was given Ridlin as a child. He would have been 50 years old if he had lived.  He’s no longer with us as he fell into alcohol abuse in his twenty’s long after he stopped taking Ridlin.  In his early 30’s he took his own life.  He was highly creative artistically, curious and gifted with the ability to do impressions of just about anyone.  He made everyone laugh.

When my youngest daughter was a child, she was interestingly different.  Curious about everything,  gifted linguistically and musically inclined.  She started talking at ten months and singing in tune by age three.  She hated tags in her clothing and I would have to remove them from everything.  She refused to eat certain foods due to their texture and her food could not touch each other.  So casserole’s were out of the question.  She needed a different utensil for each food item on her plate.  She was hyper sensitive to smells, sounds and the moods of other people.  We had some very frustrating moments especially in the morning.  One example of this was when I had to get to work on time,  I would put her shoes on and she would take them off  because the seam in her sock wasn’t perfectly aligned.  I wouldn’t see anything amiss so I would attempt to fix the problem and put her shoes on.  She would proceed to take them off again.  I found myself carrying her shoes on many mornings.

She had one speed.  Hurry up wasn’t part of her makeup.  I would have to wake her up extra early so we could be on time, waking her up early to give her the leisure to eat her breakfast slowly.  I also discovered difficulty in adapting to quick changes.  By this I mean needing to give her plenty of notice when I had to be somewhere or to run errands.  If she was busy playing,  I would have to let her know even before she could tell time that in 10 minutes we would be leaving, then five minutes, then three, then two minutes.  This seem to work better than just telling her “c’mon we have to go right now.”  The warning system that notified her that change was about to occur worked so much more effectively and she became more cooperative about switching from one activity to another.  I purchased a book called the “Difficult child” because clearly this unusual behavior must be labeled difficult.

In the first grade, during conferences with her teacher, was the first time I encountered the recommendation to have my daughter tested for ADD.  Of course I asked the teacher why she thought so.  The rather elderly teacher, ready to retire the next year, started the conversation with “Winter Birds”.  I looked puzzled by this statement and almost chuckled out loud. “We’ve been studying winter birds and your daughter, instead of paying attention was braiding the hair of the girl in the seat in front of her”.   I asked how long they had been studying winter birds?  Her teacher replied “two weeks”.  I told her teacher that perhaps my daughter had learned all that she wanted to learn about winter birds in the first week.  I came to the realization that I myself wouldn’t want to learn about winter birds day in and day out.  I didn’t think my daughters actions warranted buying into the ADD label and consequential testing, especially over the subject of winter birds.

In the third grade my daughter came home telling me that she was going to “pull her hair out”  if  the teacher said one more time “take out your math books and turn to page 21”, in the same tone of voice, in the same way every single day. My daughter would mimic the teacher’s monotone voice and all I could do was laugh.

She displayed an interest in music before she could speak full sentences, directing me to change the station on the radio until what she called “clown” music was found. I figured out quickly clown music was classical music.

Math was difficult for her but other subjects were somewhat easier.  To help her with math I found it necessary to become very creative.  We played *’mother may I math* a game we had invented.  She and her friend would compete answering the multiplication tables and when they got the answer right she or the friend could take a step forward.  We made a geometry twister game out of an old sheet and made a spinner with the geometric designs on the spinner.  It was played the same as Twister and helped her to identify the shapes easily. She responded well to this type of interactive homework assistance.

Studying was difficult for her.  When  lists of spelling words were difficult to remember we used what she was most interested in to help her remember.  We put the spelling words to music and sang them instead of reading them over and over. She received 100 percent on most of her spelling tests after this. She passed every grade with decent grades. By capitalizing on her interests… it made learning much less frustrating for both of us.

She was easily as frustrated with the dull and repetitiveness of school, pretty much from the beginning.  I frequently had to discuss with her the reasons why teachers taught the way they did. It wasn’t easy to keep her interested in learning.  I refused to have her tested for ADD and would not play into the cultural epidemic of  all children must behave and learn the same way.

Until…

In her junior year of high school, my daughter came to me and asked to be tested for ADD.  Her teachers by now had sufficiently convinced her that her focus was an issue.  She compared herself to her peers and how easily they learned and was now thinking about her future. S he didn’t want to struggle her last two years of high school.  She talked with the majority of her friends who were taking prescribed medication for ADD, and those who would buy a pill from a friend when a big test was on the horizon. These friends convinced her how much easier it was for them to focus and do well.  She came to me and we discussed it.  Against my better judgment, I made an appointment from a referral by her doctor.  She went through a battery of written tests and a conversation with the psychologist.  At the conclusion of this one hour meeting the doctor handed us his diagnosis.  You guessed it… he said she had ADD.

She was placed on medication which would need monthly approval from the doctor to obtain a refill.  She started the medication on a weekend and what I observed was amazing.  She was very focused she told me, but felt odd.  She couldn’t really describe it.  That evening she picked at her dinner and barely ate anything.  Day after day on this medication I noticed a child who was much different then the one I had raised to this point.  She had trouble sleeping and eating but boy was her focus and listening skills exceptional.

After she had lost the first 10 lbs, I contacted the doctor about the weight loss.  It had gotten to the point I had to force her to eat.  I would tell her she couldn’t go out with her friends until she finished a plate of food.  The doctor switched her ADD medicine to something different hoping this would allow her to sleep and eat.  Shortly after starting this new medication, the school office called to let me know that my daughter wasn’t feeling well.  I spoke with her on the phone and she complained of a rapid pulse or fluttering in her chest.  She went to see a heart specialist who couldn’t find anything of merit.  She had mood swings that put her in a depression some days and others that were normal.  Some might think it was associated with just being a teenager but I felt it was more pronounced now on this medication.

The doctor put her on yet another medication for ADD, and this just worsened the lack of eating and sleeping.  She claimed to feel somewhat more focused at school but I didn’t see a remarkable difference in her ability to study.  Her grades in certain subjects were always B grades.  Math was a struggle and continued to be.  The most interesting observation of all was the classes that she did well in were also ones that she was challenged in.  She got A’s in those classes and it qualified her to move into honors English class.  The difference those classes made looking back, are the ones that made her stretch more.  Around that same time she started *picking*.  Picking at her her scalp and her skin uncontrollably.

Eventually we both concluded that the medication made things worse.  It changed the light hearted fun child that I used to know into a zombie.  She had lost 15 lbs and three or four medication switches later, she decided and I agreed that she would stop taking them.  She put weight on, slept better and returned to her joyful full of life self.  Her moods seemed to be leveling out, even though there was never a chance of avoiding the typical teen drama.

During her Senior year before she graduated, I consulted with her doctor about the picking of her scalp and her skin which hadn’t subsided after stopping the medication.  The doctor referred us to a psychiatrist to determine the problem.  The doctor suspected OCD and thought it would be a good idea to find out what could be done about it.  The psychiatrist concluded that she had Trichotillomania. The solution was for her to take anti anxiety medication.  She rejected this idea.  Since she would be starting college in the fall there wouldn’t be a way to monitor the effects of this medication and part of the treatment was to be monitored.

She was accepted to a college in Chicago and we located a psychologist in Chicago to work with her on this new condition labeled Trichotillomania. Trichotillomania is in the obsessive compulsive family of disorders according to most resources on the subject. I t is described as pulling of the hair resulting in noticeable hair loss in one or more areas, including the scalp, eyelashes, eyebrows etc.  I was unable to understand how someone who never had this condition would just suddenly acquired it.

After several meetings and discussions about this issue  along with the history of being diagnosed with ADD, her new psychologist requested the results from the ADD testing done back home.  She told him how ineffective the medication had been and also shared with him the many specific things about smells, textures and sensitivity to moods of people around her she had experienced as a child.  Even though she had outgrown some of the sensitivities she maintained many of them.  The psychologist told her he didn’t think she ever had ADD but instead was HSP.  He concluded this based on her description of how she reacted to the medication.  My daughter shared these findings in a phone call to me.  When she told me I thought “great, that’s just great, yet another label!”  What I found out about HSP was astonishing. I will include the findings and detail about HSP in part two on this subject.

As I wrote this blog post some things came up for me.  One of the discoveries, is that the sudden onset of her Trichotillomania began after taking her ADD medication.  There was no sign of such a disorder before.  I called my daughter mid post to tell her my hunch.  I explained that I wondered if there was a correlation between Trichotillomania and Straterra, Concerta and Aderol the three medications she had taken for ADD.  I left this message on her voicemail and she called me back after looking up the correlation.  Most of the research she managed to find were posts from parents.  These parents noticed after their children started taking the ADD medication a phenomena of picking as well as  facial and body tics.  There were posts from parents about the sudden pulling of eyelashes, eyebrows and fingernail picking.. until they bled.

There are no coincidences.

We came to these revelations as I write this blog.

Both of us  have been puzzled for the past five years at the reasons behind this sudden onset of this condition.  Both my daughter and I feel there is a connection, even though she has stopped the medication almost four years now.  Perhaps the medication changed something chemically and has left her with this condition.  We will never know, because the producers of these products wouldn’t admit to it.  Though many of the side effects listed for these medications don’t specifically mention Trichotillomania, they do mention Tics.  Again, this condition has been a puzzle with the inability to pinpoint the exact time and reason for the onset of this condition… until the writing of this post.  While we are unhappy with the discovery that the medication has had a lasting effect, at the same time we are filled with joy at locating a source for the condition.  She can now work to clear this with alternative therapies such as energy medicine EFT( emotional freedom technique) and meditation.

Question Everything!

The point of this post is to shift your thinking … just a little.  In that labeling yourself and labeling your children creates a “buying into” of what is acceptable or the norm.  This buying into only encourages the production and philosophy of a money making machine, big pharma. When we stop buying into the definition of normal, which was created by mere mortals we call other human beings who for what ever reason, be it profit or fame have coined these labels without regard for the long term affects of their behavior pill.

In a future post on this topic I will reveal to you the original conception of what we now know as ADD.  Including astonishing research I have done on the subject.  Perhaps medicating ourselves and  our children or labeling ourselves and our children ADD  isn’t a solution but rather a band aid.  Gifted adults and children are being forced into a square hole when the original intention of their lives is to remain round.

We give our children and ourselves a behavior band aid.  I ask who is really benefiting from the behavior pill?  Our education methods and systems haven’t changed much since the days of one room school houses.  Does society and parents need to conform to these gifted souls arriving on our planet ? Or is it easier on all of us to force our children and ourselves into the same square hole?

Please read part two of this post coming soon. I will explain the label  HSP and the reason it is frequently mistaken for the label ADD.  I welcome your thoughts and encourage dialog on this subject.  Stay tuned for part two.

I don’t believe in ADD and ADHD labeling as a disability but rather an opportunity to explore new ways of looking at the special gifts of those who might not fit our typical  or cultural definition of normal.

If you or someone you know would like to explore coaching around a true disability please visit this link. http://www.christian-disability-life-coach.com

How to handle disagreements and get clarity

A few weeks ago, my sister posted old family  photos on Facebook.  There was a photo of my mother when she was thirteen along with a photo of my father and assorted other photos.  One of my cousins commented on the photo, she remembers my mother loaning her a coat and some gloves when she was a teen.  My cousin remarked that she still remembers how my mother told her not to be nervous going to the party and that she looked pretty.  My mother told her to be herself and all would work out.

When I saw this remark or comment on Facebook , I felt compelled to let my cousin know how precious this moment was.  I mentioned that I’m glad that she had that experience and wished that I had known my mother when she was healthy and able to uplift someone like that.  I also commented that I was unable to receive that kind of support, since my mother was ill during my childhood and there wasn’t any opportunity… being the seventh of nine children to have moments like that.  My mother was just plain too tired.

I also commented after a friend from high school posted her remark about my father’s photo.  She said that she remembered my Dad  was always nice to her.  I remarked after that comment that my father was nice to all my female friends. Which only really meant that he was tough on the male friends and dates that came over to pick me up.

After my two comments I received some messages from my sister’s husband of which who posted the photos.  My brother in- law  took offense to my comments and proceeded to lecture me on Facebook.  I read his comments and realized he had taken what I had said out of context.  My comments were not intended to offend him or my sister.  I was puzzled at the strength of his words in telling me I should respect my parents for their efforts in raising me.

Being lectured as an adult by another adult made my ego flare up, momentarily.  I am human after all.  I had some options, I could have been confrontational, sarcastic and rude and kept this banter going on and on in a public forum. We all battle our ego’s.  You better believe I did a good deal of grumbling to my self.  Some of these grumblings  included, how dare he scold me.  How would he know what my experience is with my parents?  Grumbling that I was simply responding to other people’s posts about the photo’s its not as if I just randomly said such things.  Then I had to look at how I let these words, these lecturing words bother me and why.

You see  he objected from his perception of my parents.  Often people want you to see things from their perception and will try to scold you into shame or control your thoughts and feelings.  Years ago I may have shot back with something sarcastic or taken offense at his tone and control.

Since I’ve studied the ego and the perceptions people have it has been easier to respond to verbal attacks and not take it personally. Realize people come from their own perspectives based on their beliefs.  Beliefs come from our ancestry namely parents, other adults and peers and its who we get most of our beliefs from.  My brother in-law and including my sister did not experience my parents quite the way I did so it would be true for them that they have a different belief system.  Who is wrong?  No one… we are both correct.

Even though he interpreted my comments incorrectly he assumed that I was making statements that were negative.  Assuming is another area that can get us into trouble, especially on social networking sites that leave a lot of room for interpretations.  My sister who was the third child can have a completely different experience than the seventh child might have.  Since she is 10 years my senior, she was already married and living out of our family home when I was 10 years old. What I experienced was measurably different than her so my perceptions of my childhood are mine and no one else’s.  There was no point in trying to argue my feelings and perceptions or theirs.

When we meet this type of attack in our day to day lives, whether its family or friends or social networking acquaintances, we can learn how to respond by honoring the other person’s perspective.  It doesn’t and probably won’t be exactly like mine or yours.  Since our beliefs are formed from different sources, how could we expect someone to think and react exactly the same?

All attack is from ego.  The ego serves us both positively and negatively.  The ego fights for its existence and nobody wins trying to fight someones ego.  Instead I answered the comments made with a question to clarify what my brother in law thought I meant.  When we clarify we are not assuming anything and have a much clearer understanding of the reason’s behind the attack.

It takes practice to come from this place.  The first place we typically want to go is reaction , our ego flares up and this is how misunderstandings prevail. By observing our own feelings and reactions first and questioning why this type of comment would disturb us in the first place is telling. Perhaps we haven’t fully forgiven someone, or maybe we need to look deeper.  If we have fully resolved the issue within us someone else’s comments or scolding wouldn’t have any affect whatsoever.

To disarm any potential attacks I suggest giving time before firing off a response whether it is through social networking or in person. Check in with yourself on how you might be perceiving the words and realize that they (the attacker) is right in that they are coming from their own beliefs.  To discredit them by firing attack words back is essentially telling them their belief system is wrong.  How would you know?  Its funny when you dissect things like this and it can truly make you laugh out loud.  When you do this you disarm any potential disagreement first from yourself and then outwardly with others.

If you tell the attacker that coming from their perspective they are right and that you too have a perspective that is also right can so dismantle the opportunity for disagreement. It will amaze you.  When I have suggested this to people that I have worked with their immediate response is that they don’t want to give up control and admit that someone might be right.  I say this is being more in control by not playing the battle of the will or ego.  You are in charge in this instance.  Its highly empowering.  Give it a try.  I would love your comments and feedback. Please accept this invitation for discussion.  Looking forward to your comments.

Subscribe to my quick reading weekly newsletter with actionable steps to overcome challenges and obstacles for living the life you desire and deserve. Visit the home page and scroll down to sign up.  Its free.  Newsletter subscribers always receive first notice on special programs as well as a no strings attached complimentary coaching hour via bridge line.  In addition… subscribers receive bonus self assessments on occasion when it relates to the topic at hand.

Living in the Land of Should

Sitting in the land of Should

I’m resolving to be more attentive to my blog postings and website updates.  There, I said it.  When I make a commitment as wide spread as this one you can count on it.

I didn’t want to be typical and talk about New Year resolutions in the typical sense.  We all think about what changes we will make and what needs to happen to make life better, easier and simplified.  When resolutions come from only your perspective they work very well.  If they come from someplace else you are now entering the Land of Should…

Just for a moment I want to take you to a land in which we have all been or currently reside and that is the Land of Should.  If your resolutions take you to this land frequently and you reside there more of the time…please read on.

In the Land of Should the pasture is wide and endless, the streets circle back upon themselves and they never really quite go anywhere except back to the beginning.  This land has been built by well meaning other people, friends, family, neighbors, co workers, significant others, spouses and children.  It also was built by parents who are either alive or have long passed on.  You might be surprised that it is also built by the little voices that we listen to residing in our own mind.  Incidentally these chattering voices can come from the recordings received in our subconscious from any of afore mentioned people.  We can’t discount the effect of the contractors or designers which need to be included in the development of the land of should.  The architect’s and impact of this land includes the media and the messages we agree with.

The street signs in the Land of Should, are carved in a really nice font.  Beware however, as you travel this land that the street names change constantly, oh yes some remain the same but others are added frequently.  This creates confusion when traveling through the landscape of the Land of Should.

The street signs might read… I should lose weight, I should quit smoking, I should call my family more often, I should read more, I should exercise, I should sleep more, I should wake up earlier, I should find a new job, I should be more organized, I should go to church, I should clean my closets, I should eat better… the signs and signals are endless.

The buildings and homes in the Land of Should are very large.  So large that they sink in the ground just a little. The weight of the homes and buildings where all the Should’rs work and live are too heavy for the ground they are built upon.  The peculiar thing about each of these buildings is the addresses start with the words Guilt.  So a typical street address would look something like this: Guilt — I should get organized, Land of Should USA or you may fill in whatever country in which you reside.

As you are lazily driving here with me through the Land of Should, the radio is playing and it breaks for a commercial.  The announcer says “hey people of the Land of Should… how many times have you asked yourself today why should I?”  And more importantly, the announcer asks, “who’s should is it?”  If it’s your should and truly yours, why haven’t you?  Could you take your list of shoulds and turn them into ‘if I wanted to I could?’  If you truly can’t take ownership of your shoulds…should they be there at all?

I’m certain you’ve already resolved to change in 2010.  I urge you to move out of the land of should where the foundation is firmer the streets and directions are clear and you have a solid path for successfully living in alignment with your goals for a simple, fulfilling and happier life.  Just ask yourself the questions above when you either mentally, or verbally say “I should”.  When well meaning friends and family, co-workers and parents tell you, that “you should” let them know that you are eliminating the word from your vocabulary in 2010.  That also means that you too must stop imposing your “shoulds” on everyone else.  Your goals and resolutions have a far greater chance of success if you own them, rather than someone else.

As a coach I often hear the “I should” from client’s.  These statements never pass unchallenged.

If you or someone you know would like to move out of the Land of Should, you can contact me via the contact page on this website.  I have only a few openings for new clients this month.  Stay tuned for more postings, as I mentioned… I have committed to frequent postings.

Protecting your heart and spirit

Calm Waters Calm Life

Freedom Life Coaching Company

Online Newsletter

Today’s newsletter covers an important part of setting wider boundaries. To date the topic focus has been about boundaries that concern your time, your needed space and other infractions  imposed upon you by others.  There is yet another set of boundaries that relate to violations of your heart and spirit. Your heart and spirit are at the core of who you are and are worth protecting.

What are heart & spirit violations?

To put it plainly, heart and spirit violations are the things others say to you either intentionally, unintentionally or jokingly, that are said in an unloving and non supportive manner. Most people may not realize the hurtful things they say or do, but regardless of whether they set out to hurt you or not, the bottom line is they do.

Hurtful heart/spirit damages can range from others shutting you down to simply making you annoyed. When you have a lack of boundaries around these types of people and situations, regardless if  you think they have no effect, they do. Your subconscious mind records everything that has ever been said or done both positively and negatively. The recordings shape how you react, respond and feel about people, situations and yourself.

Spirit violations speak directly to your integrity or wholeness. When you establish spirit boundaries you decide what you will or won’t allow to affect your spirit’s well being.

Heart / Spiritual Violation’s Might Include:

Not accepting gossip from others

Not letting unaware people take up your space.

Not engaging in debates or trying to prove your point with others who don’t have a clue.

Not being in environments that damage or diminish your spirit.

People who verbally jab, remind or bring up the past in a joking or unintentional manner

Consider These heart boundary communication options:

“Please, stop. That’s hurtful”

“Ouch! Please apologize!”

“I am a very sensitive person, and I ask that you respect this about me and be careful what you say. I will do the same for you.”

Action Plan

Protecting your heart and spirit

1. List the five people or situations that are hurting you, even a little bit. On the opposite side of each person or situation you listed, write what you will say to them in the next three days, not waiting for a recurrence.

2. Protect your spirit boundaries by listing five boundaries that you feel good about drawing or extending. Next to those five new boundaries, write in the words or actions you will take when one of your new spirit boundaries is invaded.

Hints:

Some options that are tried and true regarding the spirit violation such as gossiping include; when others are gossiping to you, make it a point not to join in. You might want to change the subject, say something positive about the person being gossiped about, or tell the initiator of the gossip that you are no longer engaging in gossip type conversations. You will notice by not participating others will learn to talk about something else.

How do you know you’ve created successful boundaries?

When you have successfully drawn or extended your boundaries for 30 days, and no one is violating them or when  you can quickly implement your boundary around a situation or person to “nip it in the bud”. Give your self credit for strengthening your personal foundation. You have successfully removed one of the most energy draining life zapping parts of your life.

_________________

Some content and action steps attributed to CoachU, Inc.

A worldwide coach training company.

Subscribe to this free weekly newsletter by signing up on the left hand side of this page in the subscription area.  When you subscribe you receive a one page easy to read and follow newsletter as well as periodic free self-assessments when it relates to the topic of the newsletter.

All subscribers receive as an option a no-strings attached, one hour complimentary coaching session. Offering this complimentary coaching session will provide you with a clearer understanding of the coaching process and the benefits to moving forward quickly to the life you desire and deserve.

Next Week’s Topic: Raising your standards

Defining healthy boundaries

Freedom Life Coaching Company

Online Newsletter

Welcome

This week’s focus is about boundaries. Defining what are healthy boundaries and the benefits you reap, including the respect of others will be explained here.

When you extend boundaries and do the work required, you attract similar people who have respect for themselves; among many other positive life enhancements.

What are Boundaries?

Having boundaries is the space extension you place around you to prevent needy or non-nourishing people and situations from entering your defined space so that you can spend your time fulfilling your needs, wants and desires. People and certain situations can either enhance or limit you. Boundaries are essential to becoming a healthy adult.

Make your boundaries huge:

Those who care and love you will understand if you make bigger boundaries and more boundaries than you think you need. You can always adjust them later. Be greedy and be strong. When you have big boundaries, eventually those boundaries become automatic. Your temperament will be more consistent. Others will test your boundaries; this is where being strong is important.

TEN STEPS TO SETTING BOUNDARIES

1. Understand that boundaries are essential for you.

2. Be willing to educate others on how to respect your new boundaries.

3. Be persistent but don’t punish others if they’ve forgotten your boundary. Just be persistent.

4. Make a list of 10 things that people may no longer do around you, do to you, or say to you.

5. Sit down with each person involved and share with him/her your process. Gain their agreement in honoring your new boundary.

6. Insist that every person in your life deliver their comments in positive ways. No more digs, make-funs, depreciating remarks, criticisms-no matter who or what the situation may be.

7. Create a four-step plan of action whenever someone violates your boundaries.

Example of a four step action:

a. Inform them of what they are doing.

b. Request that they stop immediately.

c. Demand that they stop.

d. Walk away without sarcasm or nasty get-even comments.

8. Make a list of 10 ways you are violating others’ boundaries.

9. Stop violating the boundaries on that list.

10. Reward & congratulate those who are respecting your boundaries.

Before you know it…

Your extended boundaries will attract people who have a similar respect for themselves. You will have more room in which to grow because you are not being drained or violated. You will have a consistent temperament. You will eliminate fears.

Next week’s online newsletter will cover the topic of finding solutions to establishing boundaries. Specific examples of relate-able boundary-less situations will be covered.

Subscribers receive additional self-assessments when it relates to the topic. Subscribers also receive a no-strings attached one hour complimentary coaching session on any challenge you may want to present. The subscription is free and offers an opt out if you find you wish to discontinue.

Join us today or visit again next week for the online version.

Until next time…

One Life Coach’s perspective on the health insurance debate

Today is the last day I, my husband and my college age daughter will have the privilege of having health insurance coverage, previously supplied by my husband’s employer. My husband was laid-off just about two months ago from the local government. He is a building inspector. Weighing in on the health care debate, one might think that in my current position, losing my health care insurance, I would be in favor of passing the public option health plan.

It would be so easy for me to say, yes, help me get coverage so I may feel more comfortable and won’t worry if I get sick or if my daughter or husband gets ill. It would be so simple. Having known this was coming since May and consequently watching the frequent publicized disagreements about a massive plan to insure most of the uninsured, afforded me the opportunity to look at a much bigger picture, than just my own personal situation.

Life Coaches, such as myself assist people in uncovering their potential. I gave serious thought on how this relates to our current health insurance crisis and the uninsured people in America. This big picture thinking set me on a path to wonder how the poor, underemployed and unemployed end up needing such basic rights as being able to receive good, quality affordable health care coverage.

America is a place of dreams and opportunities. Many people come to this fair land knowing that if you work hard you can be and do anything you desire. Well at least it has been that way for centuries.

Which brings me to the public health care option. When did we become a nation of accepting the mediocre. When we hand out health insurance run by our government, what incentive does it give the general population to rise above their condition? Forcing the public option keeps people where they are, accepts and endorses their life condition, instead of looking for a way to rise above the unacceptable.

Are there exceptions? Of course, those who are physically and mentally disabled, the elderly and children deserve assistance in a public plan and we have a moral obligation to insure they are well taken care of. Not able bodied healthy adults,who are capable of contributing to their own life with support of another kind.

Instead what policy could we look at that would invest trillions to the uplifting of people  which supplies the chance of providing for themselves? The majority of Americans are proud hard working people. If given the opportunity to be educated, retrained and their gifts and talents recognized and utilized, more Americans would be able to afford to pay for their own health care plan and would feel better about themselves in doing so. So what is the answer to rising above our current condition? Education.

Could we consider for a moment a highly educated America. One that creates and inspires innovation and contributes back to our society. By investing in, and providing for quality free higher education of all our children and all of our adult population. People would have the choice to elevate themselves, rise out of their current condition and be able to afford to provide for themselves and their families. Investing trillions in America’s human capital, the people, would be by far a better investment than handing people a way to stay where they are. An educated public would be a healthier public.

Would there be those who are perfectly capable but reject participating in receiving a higher education than High School? Of course there would still be some. This is America the land of choice. Its my guess the majority of people would take the opportunity and would choose to help themselves.

If we are to socialize anything it should be that every American has the wide open opportunity to receive lower level and higher level education, providing the chance to rise out of their current condition.  It is not the role of government to endorse or agree with conditions of  the unemployed, the uninsured or the able bodied poor.

Over time an educated society would create jobs, invent, teach, cure, provide leadership and prosper. The playing field would be truly one of equal opportunity. America could actually be the land of dreams once more.

So that’s my two cents on a trillion dollar issue. I respect all comments and would love to hear what your thoughts are. Please leave your response below. All fair minded, respectful replies will be approved.

Get your one big need met in 30 days

Welcome to Freedom Life Coaching Company Newsletter

How to Identify & Satisfy

Your One Big Need in the Next 30 Days

As explained in the last newsletter posted, when you get your needs met you are happier, you attract positive people and opportunities instead of repelling them. This newsletter will focus on satisfying your one big need  in the next thirty days… becoming need-less.

Three steps to consider…

1. Reduce the need for the need. Having a  strong personal foundation, which has been the focus for the past several weekly  newsletter, will upgrade your life and systems so you need less of everything. Continue to work on the action steps that have been provided in the past newsletters to continue to upgrade your personal foundation while identifying you one big need.

2. Expose your need and set up an automatic system to get your need met. An automatic satisfaction system or ASS (I love that acronym) occurs without having to recreated it every time.  When you shamelessly ask for all that you need, you created the solution and the need itself diminishes, because you are exposing it.  You are including others in the exposing of the need and they become your support or partner in knowing exactly what you need. It’s no longer hidden but out in the open. This alone supports fixing your need, simply by bringing it out in the open. It’s difficult to get a secret need met.

3. a) If your need involves others, family, friends, co-workers and in getting your need met requires others to respond or react differently to you or your situation; you must admit your need and have a direct conversation about your specific need. Most people are very willing to meet your needs if you’re direct and responsible about it. It’s the covert or unconscious behavior that turns people off. Present your need in such a way that is is a strong request. An example of a strong request may sound something like this: ” I need time each day to myself, how can you support me in getting this time each day?”

3 b) If you have a need that depends solely on the actions, reactions and attitudes of others, you may need to review the need and discover alternative ways of meeting it. Do not depend on others solely to meet your needs. You find the system that will satisfy them by asking “what is would take for your full cooperation?”

Action Plan

1) Pick or identify the one need that would have the greatest impact for you if it became something you need-less of.

2) Remember, if your need involves others, automate, expose and make strong requests. Arrange to have a direct conversation.

3.) If you are having trouble identifying a need, ask a trusted family member or friend to tell you what it is that they thin you need most. Asking an observer who sees you and your time and energy drains can be very enlightening and provide a great way to begin to become need-less.

Please respond…

Your response and questions are always welcome. You may reply in the comment/ reply area at the bottom of this newsletter. You may also send me an email if you have questions . My contact information is available by visiting the contact page on this website.

Next week…

Next week’s topic is about setting boundaries. If you would like to subscribe this newsletter is sent weekly. It’s one page and a quick read and always provided steps to remedy or begin to solve some of life’s challenges.

Coaching provides accountability and a deeper connection to you and your individual life challenges. To obtain coaching information you may contact me.

Remember…

Subscribers to this newsletter received a need-less assessment which is valuable in assisting to identify your needs. Subscribing to this newsletter offers you the opportunity to receive assessments periodically at no charge to you. Self assessments help to assist in accelerating your self development.

Until next week…

Need less and have more

pepaw-050Welcome

Freedom Life Coaching
Company’s Newsletter

You may subscribe to this newsletter by scrolling down the page. Weekly newsletters are sent via email and are chocked full of actionable steps to live your life to its fullest potential. Your private email is protected and will never be shared, traded or sold.  As a subscriber you receive added benefits such as assessments and worksheets when they are applicable to the topic and other discounts on services.

May your days be filled with sunshine and sand, barbecue and laughter. Everyone needs a little fun.

Becoming Need- less

Needs are what gives you fuel.

As a human being you are fueled by energy . The energy that fuels you can either come from healthy or unhealthy sources. Some examples of healthy sources of energy include; love, interactions with other healthy people, and even a higher power. Examples of unhealthy energy could include adrenaline (always waiting to the last moment), suffering and unmet needs.

Imagine your unhealthy needs as a vehicle puffing thick black smoke. The smoke is thick and black and pollutes the air that you breathe. Compare this to a sleek, highly efficient vehicle that burns  clean and is a vehicle consequence free which runs on solar power.

What do you need?

Sometimes we have difficulty identifying what are needs truly are. Needs can make you make mistakes, poor decisions enter relationships with other people that may or may not serve us in a healthy manner. When left unmet, needs can drive us to do things that we may not really want in pursuit of getting that need met.

The benefits of getting your needs met are helpful to you because you can now stop trying or pursue them. When you have your needs met your life can focus on your values and passions. Essentially you free up time and stop running in circles.

Here are a few steps that can assist in the process of getting your needs met. The following represents the teachings and suggestions from my trainers at Coach U, Inc.:

1. Identify as many needs as possible.

2. Ask a trusted friend what they see as your greatest needs. This is powerful and enlightening.

3. Identify you top 4 or 5 needs.

4. Know that needs can be fully satisfied or eliminated as a need.

5. Be selfish , think of it as a Selfish Automatic Sprinkler System.

6. Be prepared to educate others about your needs, especially if they are involved in satisfying those needs.

7. Understand the difference between neediness and needs satisfaction.

9. Other people cannot be responsible for meeting your needs.

10. Understand the difference between needs and fantasies, wants, desires and goals.

11. Learn to simplify and be satisfied with the perfect wholeness of the present.

Need-less tip: Once you choose a need from your list of needs ask yourself; is this need is a must for me to be my best? Tell the truth about what you actually need.

Ask and think about…

  • Do I understand the concept of needs and the driving force behind them?

  • What needs do I have in my life right now?

  • Have I explored the effects in my life of not getting my needs met, looking at the choices and decisions I have made or chosen not to make?

  • Am I clear or unclear as to how to meet my needs in a manner that actually begins to satisfy them?

Yes, its possible to become need-less. Part two of this topic will be posted next week. If you want to receive back issues, please send me an email and I will be happy to send them to you. Next week we will cover satisfying one Big need in the next thirty days.

Subscribers received an assessment and worksheet that helped them to identify their needs. If you are interested in receiving this assessment, sign up and send an email requesting the Need-Less program.

Freedom Life Coaching Company delivers quality coaching at affordable prices.

Your replies, questions and responses are welcome and encouraged. You may leave a reply by scrolling to the replies section at the bottom of the newsletter or contact me by visit the contact page within the site .

Remember to visit the Print Strategies page under All About You tab on this site, for information on a life changing assessment and the subsequent coaching about your best self, shadow self traits, your unconscious motivator (what you strive for/ what you give to the world) as well as what you seek to avoid.

Until next time… visit soon

The Who of You

Welcome to Freedom Life Coaching Company

Newsletter

Today we explore one of the fundamental personal foundations programs; the “who” of you. The focus in this newsletter will be on the component of “who”, to develop a stable core which is rooted in the personality of you. The” who” is continually growing and changing. The “who of you” is what others see as well.

The Who of You

The “who” part of you is understood as the real you, the core of who you are in reality, not in presentation of the “what”. The “who” often drives the “what”, but isn’t always consistent with it. The goal is to accomplish bringing the “who of you, “the what of you” and finally “the how” into alignment

As you move through personal development work, the “who “of you can grow and change along with that growth the personality is bound to change with it. All shifts and solutions begin with the “who”.

Restoring your integrity

Lesson one of eight parts of the”Who” begins with integrity. In your life integrity refers to your personal life system and whether it works easily and effortlessly or with struggle and strife. Without enough integrity we spend much of our time propping ourselves up.

When you are in integrity your life has fewer problems. You consistently carry with you a feeling of peace and well-being. You react to others very little, and decisions and choices are clear.

When you are out of integrity your life may look as if things are overwhelming. Disturbances are often occurring in your life. You may revert to blaming and criticizing others. You may be reacting rather than responding to others, and decisions and choices are fuzzy and unclear.

Begin by questioning…

How do I define integrity?  What area of my life is in integrity?

In what way is it not? How much integrity do I need?

Have my integrity changes over the last five years?

What happens if I don’t get enough integrity?

What happens when I do?

Consider this….

Being in integrity is a choice. It’s not necessarily about morals but about having the right amount of wholeness in your life. It’s not about comparing yourself to others, but about what is comfortable for you.

Integrity is restoring wholeness so that all the pieces of your life fit together easily and allow you to be the real you, the “who” of you.

Integrity is about how well your actions align with your core values and represent your purpose. You define your own integrity by developing the fit between your calling and your conduct.

Integrity isn’t about a state of living but a reflection of who you are in any moment and the dynamic relationship you maintain between your purpose and your path.

Integrity strives for these conditions to be present:

  • No unresolved matters

  • Alignment between actions and core values

  • Responsibility

Action Plan -5 steps

-Make a list of 10 ways you are not in integrity

-Get to the source of each and every item; resolve fully.

– Be committed to start living in integrity as you see it.

-Let go of at least 10 “should, coulds’, woulds’, ought, wills”

-Involve a coach or a strong able person to support you

Check back next week or Subscribe and receive

Part Two of Getting to the “who” of you.

Freedom Life Coaching Company

Licensed and Certified Print Coach

Print Strategies®

“An inner finger print of you”

www.freedomlifecoachingcompany.com

(586) 855.0915 Local

877.97. Free-1 Toll Free Voice Mail

SUBSCRIBER ONLY OFFER

Take the extremely accurate Print Strategies® Assessment and instantly find out your Best Self, Shadow Self & Shadow Self Triggers as well as what your unconscious motivator for your life is. The report is enlightening and will assist in your ability to stay in best self more often for greater success in work and relationships. Only $75.00 includes a 60-90 min coaching debrief.

Some part of this newsletter is sourced from coaching materials from

Coach U Inc.