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Happiness Basics and What You Value

One of the most difficult challenges some of us have is identifying our values. These would be values we consider to belong to us exclusively. Not the ones that we think we “should” have but the ones that truly come from our heart and spirit.

So often we choose values that belong to others just to be accepted and sometimes our values seem more like a chore to live up to instead of a joyful, beautiful and above all, a happy experience. Our culture, advertising, society and schooling sometimes paints a picture of what we “should” value. We then equate those values as “what will make us happy”.

The commercials and print advertisements that continually show us images of  wrinkle free people who are super think with flawless complexions and are aimed at showing us all that is wrong with us. We look in the mirror and compare ourselves to those images and unrealistically we strive to be that person. Instead of creating happiness, it creates unhappiness as it seems we are always measuring ourselves against that image. Those images fool us with just the right lighting, camera angles and the latest software which can straighten and whiten teeth, create flawless beauty with no character defects, fooling us into thinking we need to look that way.  For some this works fine. But if in owning the value of beauty becomes a value of “I should look like that” well then it’s not a heart centered value. It will more than likely create frustration  or a fleeting sense of happiness instead of our intended goal of  heart centered sustainable happiness.  However, if your value is physical beauty and you have a healthy attitude and definition of that value , there is nothing wrong with having beauty as your value. There is no right or wrong in creating what comes from the heart or spirit.

  • How do you identify your own values?
  • How do you know they belong authentically to you?
  • What are the benefits of identifying your values and their relationship to your happiness?

One way to define your values is to identify your interests and characteristics of which you have always been fascinated. These are the values that bring you happiness not the ones dictated by cultural or societal pressure, the “should (s)”.

By knowing your values, your life purpose becomes more clearly defined. When we have basic values met in all areas of our life, it brings satisfaction and a life that is based on happiness, realization and completion. When you comprehend that everything you do, feel and think is shaped by your values, you will then have a basic happiness recipe from which to gage and evaluate your life events; including career choices, relationships, relaxation and goals.

In my coach training I offer an opportunity for a client to identify key values along with a system for creating changes so that you can fully realize which of your current values aren’t serving your basic happiness goals and which of your values you would like to be in full expression.

Value categories can range from adventure, beauty, contribute, create, discover, feel, lead, master…to name a few. There are many subsets of these categories to consider when deciding which heart centered values resonate with you. When you re-acquaint yourself with your values, bewared of your basic happiness quotient increasing. Who can’t use an increase in happiness?

Your feed back and thoughts are valuable on this topic. When you share your thoughts you help other readers understand that others may struggle with this too, as well as providing your individual insight. Please share your ideas here and help others. If you would like to privately contact me regarding this topic or another please use the toll free number, or send an email. I currently offer a confidential and complimentary, no strings attached coaching session of one hour on any challenge you may be experiencing.  To arrange this session visit my site. Stay tuned for more topics based on happiness and confidence.

Disarm your insecurity alarm

We have all experienced times of insecurity; that creeping feeling of doubt in certain areas of our lives.  But when that unsafe feeling rules our life and keeps us from our gifts and from our best self, well it is like someone set off our insecurity alarm. It screams to us in any number of ways; retreat, arm yourself, don your shield and sometimes it tells us to attack .

If you are old enough to remember the television show  “Lost in Space” the robot would always warn Dr. Smith and the others by repeating in his robot voice “warning, warning, danger, danger”. Does your internal insecurity alarm do this?

In order to understand insecurity versus security it is important to learn the distinction between the two. Merriam Webster defines being secure as: freedom from danger, freedom from fear or anxiety; you can check for yourself here .  and Merriam Webster defines insecurity to mean; feeling deficient, not adequately guarded, not firmly fastened, or on shaky ground. Lets take the word insecure one step further and break up the word insecurity by defining the word “in”. What “in ” means is: in possession of, within.  These definitions are important because  what the word is telling us is that  insecurity is found only from within.  No thing , no person, no place or circumstance is responsible for our insecurity or security.  That is a great thing to know because it would be next to impossible  to change  our situations or people so we can be suitably secure and safe.

Start with 5 “in” questions when your insecurity alarm rings

  • What is it about this person, this situation or this set of circumstances that make me feel inferior?
  • Is it possible to feel inferior?
  • What would it take for me to feel safer or surer of myself? What would I need?
  • How is my current situation, current safety with people, or current circumstance reflective of my past?
  • In the present moment, in this present circumstance, with these people, how am I unsafe?

The more you can be aware and conscious of when your insecurity alarm is screaming the quicker you can calm it down by asking yourself a few questions. The more you practice the easier it will become. I also recommend in any insecure situation a simple affirmation repeating for four minutes  “I am safe” either just before you enter into the situation you are feeling insecure about and/ or every day until you reprogram the thoughts that created the unsafe feelings to begin with. If you are still having difficulty you may have to revisit some areas in your past in order to get clear of the belief that you are anything but magnificent. You may also need to forgive all situations that created this unsafe feeling, all people associated with making you feel less than secure. It is time to let that belief go, it isn’t serving you well.

I am really excited about my book Rewind, Rewriting your life script, currently in the editing phase. I discuss the insecurities I had  in just the process of writing the book and the steps I took to overcome that. Rewind is an abstract autobiography of my life looking at all the ill serving learned beliefs and how I got past them. I am really excited to share my journey with all of you very soon.

If you enjoyed this post, I would love your comments. If you have some additional advice to share I would appreciate leaving your wisdom on the topic of insecurity in the comment area. I will respond to all posts and questions. I have a few opening right now for new clients. To test the coaching process and to find out if it is indeed for you, I invite you to experience a no-strings attached complimentary coaching session of one hour in length . You can inquire about scheduling this call by visiting the contact page by clicking here.

Confidence Can be Created

Visualize your     Confidence

Closing my eyes I put myself on a stage and in the back ground is large screen emblazoned with the words “my life”.  There I am standing up straight and confident, my head held high in my best looking outfit, with my best looking hair. Surrounding me are people, some I know and some I will be willing to know. They stand all around me and I welcome them. I am smiling and they are too. There is a warm glow all around me and it radiates from me and expands into the area where all the other familiar and     unfamiliar people are.

My heart beats slow and steady and my palms are dry. I begin to move through the crowded stage as an equal, because I am. Any feelings of lack, feeling lesser than or thoughts of comparing myself to others melt like candle wax and are now running off of me and down the stage. Any limitations I hold  along with the uncertain image I have created, fall away. All the thoughts  that keep me frozen and unable to live the way I would like are now replaced with a knowing in this moment I am enough . I am safe right now.

The people standing with me on the stage of “my life”, now feel an energetic vibration coming from me and treat me as their equal  and I reciprocate in kind. I can be me because that is what I am and that is good enough. With confidence I converse freely moving without fear of the outcome. I am comfortable and confident because  I know that there is no way of predicting the outcome of any experience. I accept that. My confidence soars because I know who I am and I am proud of that. I realize my past and future have nothing what so ever to do with this moment. I am doing my best now, where only NOW matters.

If  you had a Chrystal ball with a solid guarantee of a successful outcome you would….

If you had a Chrystal ball and a guarantee of a successful  outcome, how would your self confidence change? What  would you then create for yourself?  Your need for a guaranteed  result puts you in a “future thinking mode”.  When you find yourself becoming attached to needing to know the results of your actions ahead of time you run the risk of lowered self confidence. When your thoughts are in the future you aren’t living  in your strengths right now, where it matters. How do you learn to remain in the present? Visit this link  for tips on moving  past fear (future thinking )When you are overly attached to needing to know the  outcome of your present situation  before you take action , it actually immobilizes you.This fear then creates the old pattern of lack of confidence and the vicious cycle remains.

Instead detach your self from the outcome and let go of the need to control. Focus your attention and energy so that you can create an aura of a successful outcome in the present. Use your senses to feel, smell, touch and taste successfully accomplishing whatever you are going after. This energy shift then vibrates outward.

What you see and feel is what others see and feel too

Confidence  is drawn from your self image . If you lack knowledge of your own strengths and abilities and your image is only focused on what you lack, your confidence level is projected outward and felt by others as lack. When you project lack in your minds eye you project it outward into every situation of your life. This  lowered confidence state of being  blinds you. Its only goal is protection from perceived pain (past thinking). In this state of being you fail to see what wonderful qualities you do possess.

To test the theory of  how you project your vibes,  remember back to a time when you woke up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed. In this state of being you may have noticed a chain reaction. The sour you starts off your day and the first thing you know,  you spill your coffee, you can’t find your keys and you get all the red lights. As you drive you notice rude drivers who lay on their horns because you didn’t accelerate fast enough for them. You flip them the finger and become more sour. You essentially carry this “wrong side of the bed” attitude with you through out the day and it spirals out of control. You may hear yourself saying “I can’t wait until this day is over”.  You might complain about how difficult “other people” made your day,  mentally hanging on to each incident, as it continues to build on itself.  In this sour state you are sending out a vibration which keeps attracting in more of the same miserable stuff.  Its the same thing with your confidence level. You vibrate out your emotions. It has nothing whatsoever to do with other people.

The Confidence Tune Up

When your self confidence needs a tune up you could begin with some analysis and questions.  Here are six core confidence questions which may provide a starting point for moving in to a more confident you.

1. When I am lacking confidence are my thoughts focused on the past or future?

2.  If I am focused on the past, what is the evidence that I will receive the same result?

3. If I am focused on the future results of an action I’ve not yet taken, what are the results I think I might get? Are those thoughts based on past thinking or on the present?

4. If I choose to remain in  low self confidence mode how will that affect me in the present?

5. What are some examples where I have been confident with a successful outcome?

6. In my most successful examples when my confidence was high what specifically did I draw on for this successful outcome? Who did I then become?

Self confidence can be created. It requires a commitment and willingness to operate in the present. The opportunity to visualize your most confident self  which sets the confidence vibe in motion. When feeling a lack of confidence it is the perfect place to question your thoughts. Remember to detach from the outcome and stay present in the moment where your strengths can be realized.

I am  interested in your thoughts and feedback concerning  self confidence and any successes or obstacles you may have encountered. Please utilize the reply area below as I respond to all postings. If you or someone you know finds todays post useful please feel free to share. For more information on my coaching services please  visit  the contact page.