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Protecting your heart and spirit

Calm Waters Calm Life

Freedom Life Coaching Company

Online Newsletter

Today’s newsletter covers an important part of setting wider boundaries. To date the topic focus has been about boundaries that concern your time, your needed space and other infractions  imposed upon you by others.  There is yet another set of boundaries that relate to violations of your heart and spirit. Your heart and spirit are at the core of who you are and are worth protecting.

What are heart & spirit violations?

To put it plainly, heart and spirit violations are the things others say to you either intentionally, unintentionally or jokingly, that are said in an unloving and non supportive manner. Most people may not realize the hurtful things they say or do, but regardless of whether they set out to hurt you or not, the bottom line is they do.

Hurtful heart/spirit damages can range from others shutting you down to simply making you annoyed. When you have a lack of boundaries around these types of people and situations, regardless if  you think they have no effect, they do. Your subconscious mind records everything that has ever been said or done both positively and negatively. The recordings shape how you react, respond and feel about people, situations and yourself.

Spirit violations speak directly to your integrity or wholeness. When you establish spirit boundaries you decide what you will or won’t allow to affect your spirit’s well being.

Heart / Spiritual Violation’s Might Include:

Not accepting gossip from others

Not letting unaware people take up your space.

Not engaging in debates or trying to prove your point with others who don’t have a clue.

Not being in environments that damage or diminish your spirit.

People who verbally jab, remind or bring up the past in a joking or unintentional manner

Consider These heart boundary communication options:

“Please, stop. That’s hurtful”

“Ouch! Please apologize!”

“I am a very sensitive person, and I ask that you respect this about me and be careful what you say. I will do the same for you.”

Action Plan

Protecting your heart and spirit

1. List the five people or situations that are hurting you, even a little bit. On the opposite side of each person or situation you listed, write what you will say to them in the next three days, not waiting for a recurrence.

2. Protect your spirit boundaries by listing five boundaries that you feel good about drawing or extending. Next to those five new boundaries, write in the words or actions you will take when one of your new spirit boundaries is invaded.

Hints:

Some options that are tried and true regarding the spirit violation such as gossiping include; when others are gossiping to you, make it a point not to join in. You might want to change the subject, say something positive about the person being gossiped about, or tell the initiator of the gossip that you are no longer engaging in gossip type conversations. You will notice by not participating others will learn to talk about something else.

How do you know you’ve created successful boundaries?

When you have successfully drawn or extended your boundaries for 30 days, and no one is violating them or when  you can quickly implement your boundary around a situation or person to “nip it in the bud”. Give your self credit for strengthening your personal foundation. You have successfully removed one of the most energy draining life zapping parts of your life.

_________________

Some content and action steps attributed to CoachU, Inc.

A worldwide coach training company.

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Next Week’s Topic: Raising your standards

Defining healthy boundaries

Freedom Life Coaching Company

Online Newsletter

Welcome

This week’s focus is about boundaries. Defining what are healthy boundaries and the benefits you reap, including the respect of others will be explained here.

When you extend boundaries and do the work required, you attract similar people who have respect for themselves; among many other positive life enhancements.

What are Boundaries?

Having boundaries is the space extension you place around you to prevent needy or non-nourishing people and situations from entering your defined space so that you can spend your time fulfilling your needs, wants and desires. People and certain situations can either enhance or limit you. Boundaries are essential to becoming a healthy adult.

Make your boundaries huge:

Those who care and love you will understand if you make bigger boundaries and more boundaries than you think you need. You can always adjust them later. Be greedy and be strong. When you have big boundaries, eventually those boundaries become automatic. Your temperament will be more consistent. Others will test your boundaries; this is where being strong is important.

TEN STEPS TO SETTING BOUNDARIES

1. Understand that boundaries are essential for you.

2. Be willing to educate others on how to respect your new boundaries.

3. Be persistent but don’t punish others if they’ve forgotten your boundary. Just be persistent.

4. Make a list of 10 things that people may no longer do around you, do to you, or say to you.

5. Sit down with each person involved and share with him/her your process. Gain their agreement in honoring your new boundary.

6. Insist that every person in your life deliver their comments in positive ways. No more digs, make-funs, depreciating remarks, criticisms-no matter who or what the situation may be.

7. Create a four-step plan of action whenever someone violates your boundaries.

Example of a four step action:

a. Inform them of what they are doing.

b. Request that they stop immediately.

c. Demand that they stop.

d. Walk away without sarcasm or nasty get-even comments.

8. Make a list of 10 ways you are violating others’ boundaries.

9. Stop violating the boundaries on that list.

10. Reward & congratulate those who are respecting your boundaries.

Before you know it…

Your extended boundaries will attract people who have a similar respect for themselves. You will have more room in which to grow because you are not being drained or violated. You will have a consistent temperament. You will eliminate fears.

Next week’s online newsletter will cover the topic of finding solutions to establishing boundaries. Specific examples of relate-able boundary-less situations will be covered.

Subscribers receive additional self-assessments when it relates to the topic. Subscribers also receive a no-strings attached one hour complimentary coaching session on any challenge you may want to present. The subscription is free and offers an opt out if you find you wish to discontinue.

Join us today or visit again next week for the online version.

Until next time…