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Your Goal or Someone Else’s

Should I ?

Should post 1Sometimes we elect to reach for goals that at the time seem to be perfect ones, without questioning whether they belong to us or someone else. I wrote a blog post a while back which is still on this site called “Living in the land of should” In this post I wrote about a fictional place where we are all living in”shouldsville”.

Setting goals are terrific and necessary. We are always striving for something personally fulfilling to us and that makes our journey here interesting and fun but only if they are the goals you choose from your own set of values and beliefs. The most accomplished and fulfilling goals are the ones you set without the input from anyone or anything else. It’s highly critical to your happiness that you evaluate which goals actually belong to you and which goals belong to all of the “shoulders” in your life (and that includes the shoulder inside of you). When you question your goals you might discover that they really don’t belong to you at all.

Whose Goals are These Anyway?

Our culture, society, family, friends, bosses, television, movies all play a role in forming our idea of what we “should” be accomplishing and by when. Rarely do we take a look at these game of life rules that are laid before us almost on a daily basis. Add in social media in the mix where play by play achievements of other people’s lives are posted every second. Every time we see a post of a new author, a promotion, a bigger house, a wedding or an engagement adds another few feet to our ever growing measuring stick. We are always measuring ourselves against others accomplishments and unconsciously and controversially I say we also secretly feel better when we are doing better than others, that too is a measuring stick.

One of the most important things I do is help client’s define their goals. I can pretty much tell from the tone of their voice and the presentation of their goals, whether they are truly passionate about achieving them or they are feeling the pressure of the “shoulds.”

Break Your Measuring Stick Nowbreaking your measuring stick

When you learn to define for yourself what YOU really want you have a much better chance of achieving your goals. Not only will you achieve them with ease and determination but you will also feel more fulfilled as a result. So I encourage you to revisit your goals by understanding your values first. Once you know what you truly value, questioning your goals with a simple “Why do I want that?”  When you have that answer, ask again “Why do I want that”? When you get that answer ask again and again and again until you have exhausted your reasons why you want that particular goal. Your definition of successful completion of goals and accomplishments belong to you and you alone. Then you will take pleasure in breaking your measuring stick and there will be nothing stopping you from fulfillment.

What do you think? Are your goals in need of revision? Your thoughts are welcome. If you are curious about how coaching with me can assist you with defining goals that align with YOUR values and you’d like to break your measuring stick, give me a call or send me a note. I’ll be introducing a local workshop on setting extraordinary goals in March of 2015. If you are local and are interested in this program or need to explore coaching as a means to discover your goals let me know.

Happiness Basics and What You Value

One of the most difficult challenges some of us have is identifying our values. These would be values we consider to belong to us exclusively. Not the ones that we think we “should” have but the ones that truly come from our heart and spirit.

So often we choose values that belong to others just to be accepted and sometimes our values seem more like a chore to live up to instead of a joyful, beautiful and above all, a happy experience. Our culture, advertising, society and schooling sometimes paints a picture of what we “should” value. We then equate those values as “what will make us happy”.

The commercials and print advertisements that continually show us images of  wrinkle free people who are super think with flawless complexions and are aimed at showing us all that is wrong with us. We look in the mirror and compare ourselves to those images and unrealistically we strive to be that person. Instead of creating happiness, it creates unhappiness as it seems we are always measuring ourselves against that image. Those images fool us with just the right lighting, camera angles and the latest software which can straighten and whiten teeth, create flawless beauty with no character defects, fooling us into thinking we need to look that way.  For some this works fine. But if in owning the value of beauty becomes a value of “I should look like that” well then it’s not a heart centered value. It will more than likely create frustration  or a fleeting sense of happiness instead of our intended goal of  heart centered sustainable happiness.  However, if your value is physical beauty and you have a healthy attitude and definition of that value , there is nothing wrong with having beauty as your value. There is no right or wrong in creating what comes from the heart or spirit.

  • How do you identify your own values?
  • How do you know they belong authentically to you?
  • What are the benefits of identifying your values and their relationship to your happiness?

One way to define your values is to identify your interests and characteristics of which you have always been fascinated. These are the values that bring you happiness not the ones dictated by cultural or societal pressure, the “should (s)”.

By knowing your values, your life purpose becomes more clearly defined. When we have basic values met in all areas of our life, it brings satisfaction and a life that is based on happiness, realization and completion. When you comprehend that everything you do, feel and think is shaped by your values, you will then have a basic happiness recipe from which to gage and evaluate your life events; including career choices, relationships, relaxation and goals.

In my coach training I offer an opportunity for a client to identify key values along with a system for creating changes so that you can fully realize which of your current values aren’t serving your basic happiness goals and which of your values you would like to be in full expression.

Value categories can range from adventure, beauty, contribute, create, discover, feel, lead, master…to name a few. There are many subsets of these categories to consider when deciding which heart centered values resonate with you. When you re-acquaint yourself with your values, bewared of your basic happiness quotient increasing. Who can’t use an increase in happiness?

Your feed back and thoughts are valuable on this topic. When you share your thoughts you help other readers understand that others may struggle with this too, as well as providing your individual insight. Please share your ideas here and help others. If you would like to privately contact me regarding this topic or another please use the toll free number, or send an email. I currently offer a confidential and complimentary, no strings attached coaching session of one hour on any challenge you may be experiencing.  To arrange this session visit my site. Stay tuned for more topics based on happiness and confidence.