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what do you want

Your Goal or Someone Else’s

Should I ?

Should post 1Sometimes we elect to reach for goals that at the time seem to be perfect ones, without questioning whether they belong to us or someone else. I wrote a blog post a while back which is still on this site called “Living in the land of should” In this post I wrote about a fictional place where we are all living in”shouldsville”.

Setting goals are terrific and necessary. We are always striving for something personally fulfilling to us and that makes our journey here interesting and fun but only if they are the goals you choose from your own set of values and beliefs. The most accomplished and fulfilling goals are the ones you set without the input from anyone or anything else. It’s highly critical to your happiness that you evaluate which goals actually belong to you and which goals belong to all of the “shoulders” in your life (and that includes the shoulder inside of you). When you question your goals you might discover that they really don’t belong to you at all.

Whose Goals are These Anyway?

Our culture, society, family, friends, bosses, television, movies all play a role in forming our idea of what we “should” be accomplishing and by when. Rarely do we take a look at these game of life rules that are laid before us almost on a daily basis. Add in social media in the mix where play by play achievements of other people’s lives are posted every second. Every time we see a post of a new author, a promotion, a bigger house, a wedding or an engagement adds another few feet to our ever growing measuring stick. We are always measuring ourselves against others accomplishments and unconsciously and controversially I say we also secretly feel better when we are doing better than others, that too is a measuring stick.

One of the most important things I do is help client’s define their goals. I can pretty much tell from the tone of their voice and the presentation of their goals, whether they are truly passionate about achieving them or they are feeling the pressure of the “shoulds.”

Break Your Measuring Stick Nowbreaking your measuring stick

When you learn to define for yourself what YOU really want you have a much better chance of achieving your goals. Not only will you achieve them with ease and determination but you will also feel more fulfilled as a result. So I encourage you to revisit your goals by understanding your values first. Once you know what you truly value, questioning your goals with a simple “Why do I want that?”  When you have that answer, ask again “Why do I want that”? When you get that answer ask again and again and again until you have exhausted your reasons why you want that particular goal. Your definition of successful completion of goals and accomplishments belong to you and you alone. Then you will take pleasure in breaking your measuring stick and there will be nothing stopping you from fulfillment.

What do you think? Are your goals in need of revision? Your thoughts are welcome. If you are curious about how coaching with me can assist you with defining goals that align with YOUR values and you’d like to break your measuring stick, give me a call or send me a note. I’ll be introducing a local workshop on setting extraordinary goals in March of 2015. If you are local and are interested in this program or need to explore coaching as a means to discover your goals let me know.